Welcome back, glad y’all could be here with me today. We are going to continue right where I left off yesterday.
As a country we really need to do better for our Veterans, and as much as it should happen, that doesn’t necessarily have to start from the top down, because unfortunately this has become a very political topic, which is crap and shouldn’t be that way. That realistically should start with each and every one of us. A little empathy and understanding goes a long way. Each and every Veteran has their own darkness and monsters they fight with on a daily basis, sometimes they get the better of us, and that is when the dark thoughts start creeping in and it gets hard to control and push through them. Literally it is as simple as asking a Veteran how he or she is doing, of course the typical response is usually “I’m fine” or “I’m okay” because we aren’t that used to people asking us how we are and actually caring, because a large majority of people don’t understand how we think, nor will they understand what goes on in our heads because they never experienced what we did.
HOWEVER, even if you do not understand, there are good responses/reactions, just like there are bad responses/reactions. We don’t open up a lot because people who do not understand us and our thoughts tend to act judgey, tend to act like it is not that big of a deal, or tell us things like “just get over it” or “you’ve been out for so long, I don’t get why it still bothers you so much” or a common one I have unfortunately seen from Veterans and Civilians alike “you didn’t even deploy, you have no reason to act like this.” Those are all bad responses/reactions, really really bad, and should never come out of your mouth. Trauma of any kind affects everyone differently, we already feel weakened because we cannot control this side of us and it sometimes controls us.
The easiest thing you can do is to validate their feelings, let them know they are not alone, let them know that you are there for them when they need you, let them know they can reach out to you for anything at any time, but most of all LISTEN. As I mentioned before, we do not open up easily or a lot, so if a Veteran opens up to you LISTEN to what they say, comfort them, and be there for them. When they feel like someone is LISTENING, whether they understand or not, it allows us to be open without feeling like we are being judged or looked down on, allows us to feel like we can continue being open rather than pushing all the feelings down deep and holding onto them. “F**k your feelings” or “your feelings don’t matter” or “suck it up” or “get over it” are absolutely some of the worst things to say to ANY Veteran who is opening up to you. When you say any one of those things, they will undoubtedly shut down and stop sharing immediately, and not just you, they will typically stop sharing with anyone because they feel as if they are a burden, and hate feeling that way, so they will just push everything back down inside, screwing up any progress they had made up to that point.
We might go back to myths tomorrow, I am not sure yet. Whatever my heart feels is what we will discuss tomorrow. Love every one of y’all, especially my fellow Vets, if ANY of my fellow Vets need someone to talk to, please reach out to me, I am ALWAYS here for you.
IF YOU ARE A VETERAN WHO NEEDS HELP, YOU ARE NOT ALONE – YOU ARE LOVED – YOU ARE NEEDED!
CALL – 988 – OPTION 1
TEXT – 838255
CALL – 800-799-4889
CALL – 844-889-5610
GO TO – WWW.VETERANSCRISISLINE.NET
GO TO – WWW.STOPSOLDIERSUICIDE.ORG/GET-HELP
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